A couple of days ago I made a connection with someone who left me asking, “What if…?” The “…” are representative because there are so many endings to that question. I guess the “What if’s” are different for everyone.
I feel full of possibilities. “What if…everything?”
In my life I haven’t always been sure that staying alive was the right thing to do. And I mean “staying alive” in a more of a way than just the mechanics of breathing. Even breathing in a way that keeps the body going can be a challenge sometimes, but I’m really talking about keeping my heart alive. Passion, hope, love. There is risk in living with light. The body can die, but the heart can be devastated when something important goes wrong.
Things have gone wrong before. I’ve had opportunities to give up at times when people might not have even judged it as a weakness, and I would have liked to have taken my break.
Somehow there’s always been something keeping me going. A resuscitation, I guess. Maybe that’s when the light has taken the driver’s seat. Admittedly, on the really hard days I haven’t always been grateful for that force so dedicated to my continuation.
But then there are days with connection, mystery and magic…that grow my spirit enough to help me feel I can support the energy of life again on my own. But never, of course, completely on my own since those are the days I am most lifted up.
Those days are the ones with rainbows. That unexpected gift of communication when I’m looking for convincing evidence that it’s safe to come out and interact again even though the clouds are still foreboding.
So…what if I am safe?
What if…my life matters?
What if…I have something worth sharing?
What if…I’m not alone?
What if…everything has a reason?
What if…I can’t find a reason, but it all matters anyway?
What if my story was meant to be heard?
What if the beginning really is a very good place to start?
If you’re wondering who this someone is who inspired these questions this time, it is a film maker named Mary Trunk who is now editing her most recent documentary titled Lost In Living…Here is a brief description of this film I’m so grateful for and link to a generous 10 minute Trailer which I found on Kickstarter. This is a film filled with passion and honesty which I feel privileged to be a backer for (and is still open for funding, so check it out.)
“Behind the domestic curtain of motherhood, where the creative impulse can flourish or languish, are four women determined to make a go of it. Filmed over seven years, Lost In Living, confronts the contradictions inherent in personal ambition and self-sacrifice, female friendship and mental isolation, big projects and dirty dishes. The complex realities of family life unfold in this documentary film about the messy intersection of motherhood and artistic expression.”
A couple of weeks ago we had a brief storm in my city during the middle of our midwest drought. I was lucky enough to be out in it. If I hadn’t had to run to the store with my daughter for essentials while my husband was out-of-town I would have only heard the rain. When we arrived at the store the clouds were beginning to break and the sun was coming through. I saw a man across the parking lot taking an iPhone pic of the sky. And, of course, I had my phone too. I took a picture of the sky and clouds facing the opposite direction. It was magnificent.
When I left the store the sky was still filled with brilliant form and light. I took out my phone again for more pics, shooting away, when a guy with his daughter walking in motioned to my left and said, “There’s a rainbow over there.”
There I was, looking right at the sky and missed the rainbow entirely! I was a little embarrassed, but grateful for the direction! It actually turned out to be a double rainbow, so quite a treat! It was large so I couldn’t get both sides in with one shot, and naturally, the photos don’t nearly do the experience justice. It was warm and cool, wet and sunny with the most amazing light. A wordless beauty, for sure.
Don’t forget to look for the rainbows…