I wrote about this sad egg last night. Otherwise known as the bad egg (more images in my last post.)
I’m back to look at it again. I slept on it.
It needed some incubation.
I dreamt about ceramics class.
I dreamt that I was in class with my current teacher’s wife, which while it sounds strange (yet, perhaps fitting for me if you’re familiar with my life) it’s not really too weird because my teacher’s wife is also a ceramics teacher at the school I attend. In fact, I had attempted taking her class the semester I got pregnant with my (now) toddler and quit (without officially withdrawing) because of pregnancy issues and I got an “F.”
That was an “F” to replace my “C” I had earned the semester 5 years earlier with her husband because I up and quit before final critique and the final written test in class after I was affected by one of my classmates committing suicide in the same class.
He was there one day, a nice, quiet guy…and then gone. And I only knew he was gone because his dad came to class to pick up his stuff one day and then my teacher made a vague announcement about him not returning. Ever.
You can take a class 3 times before the school cuts you off and won’t allow any more re-do’s.
So this is it.
My last chance at Ceramics 1.
I don’t remember all of my dream last night.
I basically remember being in trouble for something I did. I think I might have missed a class and my teacher was irritated at me. And I am really sensitive about irritating people. I don’t like to do it, which is ironic since I probably do it a lot. I’m probably irritating you now!
I remember a charcoal drawing of a pot, and I remember asking questions about it. There were things I didn’t understand. Stuff about orthogonal lines that confused me. And I love basically everything about art, but when it comes to orthogonals I definitely tune out.
So I woke up thinking about what I labeled my bad egg.
I never give up on things. It’s both what has kept me going and kept me from going, at times.
It’s my love/hate relationship with tenacity.
It’s my war.
It’s my life.
In some way, it’s me.
At one time I used the word as an online moniker.
I want this egg to succeed. When it started out I didn’t really care that much about it. I just wanted to complete this assignment and move on to one I was interested in. But then, it evolved.
And I had feelings.
And people saw.
And I had questions.
It developed a purpose.
If you really want the truth, it’s not really my project at all. It’s a kid inside me’s project. I didn’t care much about this one, so I handed it over, I guess.
And so what?
And so, I don’t know.
So I’m going to ask more questions for this one, inside.
I’m not going to give up on helping things along. It needs a little help.
She needs a little help.
Maybe a lot.
The long, hard night is over.
Today is another day.
I’ll sit on it.