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My Art Therapy Journey

Posts tagged expressive therapies

This is a picture of the ceiling in our “breakfast nook.”

Yesterday a piece of the ceiling was removed

The other day when I noticed our ceiling coming apart, I realized we had a leak.

What you see is the floor to our second story and pipes that transport water from upstairs.

Nobody could figure out where the leak was coming from.

The plumber came and took a guess.  He dismantled our toilet…

…but his guess was wrong.  We then had a bad leak in addition to no toilet.

He wouldn’t reinstall our toilet without charging us $750 dollars to fix it because it hadn’t originally been installed “to code,” even though that’s not where the leak was from.

I told the plumber to leave.  Without re-installing the toilet, thank you.

My husband had the friend that helped remodel our house come over to find the source of the problem.

They fixed it while I was at book club.  All better.

This morning my husband took a shower.  And I took a bath.

…When I fell into the slip-and-slide on the breakfast nook floor.

It’s still leaking.  We think we know it’s from the shower.  But the leak is a mystery.

***

THIS IS A PICTURE OF ME.

I have a leak.

 

It happens sometimes after I put my daughter down for a nap.

 

The water comes from someplace deep inside my soul…and leaves a path that is hard to trace.

 

I’m not sure if I will ever find the true source of tears.

 

 

And if I do…if it will be repairable.

 

The questions and concerns grow as I sit…exposed.

 

 

 

 

 

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Nobody chooses a mental disorder.  If I could pick mine, I probably wouldn’t have the one I have.  And, I really don’t think anyone wakes up in the morning and says, “Hey!  I know what I want for today!  I want to special  order a nightmare of after-effects that are a result of abuse I’ve experienced in my life!”

No, I really don’t think that’s the way it goes.

Because I’ve been thinking lately, “Can we just be done now?”

I have to ride the wave, and sometimes it’s true…the wave is a great adventure.  “Great” is a very subjective term.

And some things about living with the brain altered experience of a formerly abused mind, body and spirit can be subjective too.  Such as, “How will I live this day of madness?”

There is some choice in how I live my days.  Sometimes there is even a lot of choice.  Sometimes making that choice comes with an enormous amount of pain and struggle…but, I don’t think the trouble with making  choices is reserved solely for people with a brain condition or someone living the effects of abuse.  (Although, it can certainly add an extra ounce of oomph to the process!…and at times call for extra support through a qualified and emotionally mature and plain ol’ good-hearted and kind therapist.)

That’s part of why I believe art therapy is such a universal part of living.  Art is so central to the human condition, not just conditions that provoke a person to cut off their ear.

I guess I’m trying to say a lot of things here.  I’m saying sometimes in life there are choices even within the place of no choice…for everyone.

Some days I choose to feel.  Some days I choose to not feel.  But the feelings are always there….I don’t think there’s a lot of choice about that.  Being human is like that.

For a long time I have chosen to not feel.  And for a while I made that choice, even if subconsciously, so I could survive all the feelings swarming around and through me.

I’m entering a new place.  I’d say it’s an in-between place.

There’s not a lot of words to this place yet.  I just hang on to the light and what it reveals…It seems like I am in the process of seeing a lot along my personal journey lately, although I can’t always quite make out what an image is.  Engaging in life through art has been a safe place for me to explore this unknown.

Today…I choose feeling.  I choose life.  I choose hope.  I choose light.

Thankfully, these things are making a home in my chest and not so much my brain.

Today I am brave, which is not always my natural condition, but is just as much part of the human condition as all the rest, none-the-less.

These photos are from a family walk at the park yesterday….

(Click on the image to view in a larger format on your screen.)