Well, it happened. Today I dropped my first class of the season. And what do you think it was? None other than Photoshop. My first and last class for Photoshop was last Thursday morning. Sad. Very sad. But more than sad, I’m happy because it means that I’m not going down a short and fast path of ruin. I stepped on it, felt the ground shake and quickly, but not too quickly, but fast enough to not get a permanent “W” (for Withdraw…(or how I fear it’s looked at by administration in big colleges, “Took the W because the F was coming?”). So…still breathing, I got out of there. I only went to the first class and the instructor is the same teacher who taught my Adobe Illustrator class and I actually signed up for his classes on purpose because I’d heard such good things about him.
It turns out he is very good, but good is so vague and relative. I don’t have a high aptitude toward graphic design and am only really taking Illustrator and Photoshop because they are prerequisites for a couple of other design classes I am required to take for my art degree. This teacher is first-rate if you’re into Graphic Design and that’s your major…but for the girl (woman, uhem) who likes to get her hands-up-to-her-armpits-dirty in clay, taking his class was about enough to make my head spin off my neck. It’s purely miracle and kind-heartedness on my teachers part that I was blessed out of Adobe Illustrator alive and with an “A” for effort.
So anyway, his class wasn’t the “Photoshop for Artists” I was looking for. Today I saved myself by clicking on a sweet, sweet drop button that, praise the Lord, still read “0% with no W on transcript.” when pressed. My husband asked if we’ll get a refund. I said “No, I only get to not self-destruct. Want me to reinstate my class?” Smiley face. (He asked me through a text message.)
I’m still living.
In fact, I’m so alive after I officially dropped Photoshop I stepped outside and realized an abundance of wildly growing flowers in a little corral next to our garage (which unfortunately has no animals in it because we actually live in the suburbs and only can pretend we are farmers.)
But still, when we bought this house I wouldn’t let the guys tear it down. I love my corral, and talking about it reminds me I need to get my bull’s head tied up out there again for lasso practice! It had to be taken down when the enclosure was painted. I’m digressing. (At least I’m not regressing. Digressing doesn’t seem so bad next to that possibility!)
All of this is to say…I was inspired to take some photos! 🙂
I’m pretty sure my neighbors were curious what I was doing bouncing around the corral for no clearly apparent reason today, but you know what they say about keeping good neighbors. Well, some say the best neighbors are fences, but we don’t really have fencing, so the next best thing is to feign insanity within their line-of-sight. (No doubt, you’re convinced, right!? )
I’m back in business! At least to some degree. Yesterday I went to my previously scheduled Monday night sewing class and felt better for it. I’ve been working on this darned stuffed cat for months. Of course, I did just successfully thread my sewing machine by myself last week. Next up: Bobbin Winding?
So proud I learned to thread my own machine!
One step at a time. That’s what I’m always telling myself.
My awesome (and she really is completely awesome!) sewing teacher announced to the class last night, while talking about when you’re learning to sew, you just start at step one and go from there with one new skill at a time…And then continued her announcement with the exception for me here, who started on about step 4. : ) Whoops.
But I swear when I found this cat pattern I thought it was so cute and it wasn’t that big, and besides, don’t babies play with stuffed animals? How hard could it be, really?!
So…I toted in this (non-beginner) pattern to my very first sewing class and in the past couple of months have fallen in serious intense like with sewing. It’s teetering on love, I think. I’m trying to keep it on the down-low though. I don’t want to get tooooo excited about it just yet. My sweet kitty is still not quite done and she might not love me back…? Oh, I hope she loves me!
If she doesn’t I don’t think I’m going to give up on sewing just yet. I’ll try a stuffed teddy bear next, maybe.
I noticed something else about sewing last night though. And I think it’s an awareness that has grown from the beginning of my stuffed cat project. But last night it was all in the right place and came together and YES, definitely this cat is a representation of me.
Maybe not the cat, per say…but the process of this cat becoming a cat…The cat becoming/forming/growing into what/who it is.
I’m sure I’m taking my connection with this stuffed cat a bit too far for some people’s comfort level, but I’m always looking for ways to connect and, more-so, ways to express the way I’m feeling inside.
And last night at the tail-end of my class this is how my cat ended up…
inside-out cat-arms and tail folded inside, detached legs, pins that once held it together still sticking out after sewing the body
Of course, I identify with the pins in the body right now due to my recent surgery…and the stitches. The stitches…of course. And I watched as my cat’s arms and tail went inside and the “beautiful sides” (my teacher refers to them as the beautiful sides!) were pinned together before sewing… I thought to myself, “Yes…just like that. Nobody can see. what’s in there.”
Inside that’s the way I feel…(but I don’t necessarily feel beautiful in there.) I am all tucked inside, facing a needle, facing surgery, facing life, facing the unknown. And nobody can see me. “Nobody can see that I actually have a face under here…if they could see inside me here they would see my face!”
Now, I know sometimes people see me. Sometimes people are even there when I’m a bloody mess, all contorted and turned certain ways. But deeper…deeper hidden and hiding is how I sometimes feel.
Having the surgery and the following restrictions on my mobility and the fears about a repeat emergency surgery happening if I don’t follow the rules…and all my body image issues…and the control, or rather the loss of it….has had me pretty “triggered.” I’m primed and ready to go. Anxiety…check. Depression…check. Body Pain…check. NO CONTROL NO CONTROL NO CONTROL….checkcheckcheckcheckcheck!!!!
It’s not true. I know I DO have control over myself. I know that I’m going to be ok in the end. I know that even if I did have to have surgery again I’m (pretty) sure I’d live through it…even the part that comes after where I can’t get my blood pressure up, walk around, pick up and play with my daughter and do my projects.
And I also know that I have my attitude at my disposal. I can choose to stay positive and hopeful at most times. I can keep the faith. I can see the bigger picture through anything. I can do all that!
But then, sometimes…well, sometimes I’m just wrapped up tight inside and it feels like I’m not in my own hands. Maybe that’s just the place we’re all supposed to be sometimes mid-process of becoming who we are?
And it’s then that I’m really thankful I am a human…and not a stuffed cat after-all.
And I’m completely made as me. Lovable, huggable me, already! (Even if I do hide inside sometimes!)
(And I super-super know I am eager to love my creator back…and my creator will not give up on love…because creation doesn’t give up on itself! I didn’t even plan on that…I’ll have to think about this!)
No, not the end! But just the end…for now.
(I wrote this stream-of-consciousness style so I can’t guarantee all of this completely makes sense…have mercy on me! 🙂
Life is ever-expanding! Right before coming here to post I learned I can actually buy an attachable lens for my iPhone!? What? Maybe if I get one I can take some pictures from this paleolithic photog cage I’ve kept myself in.
I am excited about this newest discovery, but I’m wondering if it borders on too much of a “gadget.” Does anybody know? I for sure don’t! Believe me, I am reserving ALL judgements about everything photography, (maybe indefinitely!) after my rude awakening from my prissy analog attitude I once protected from the digital light!
I have taken a lot of Instagram shots and even though I have 3 more editing apps now I haven’t found the right combination of time and energy to begin using them. It makes me cringe to know there’s so much more I can play around with, and I’m still not playing as deep there as would like to.
The word of the last week has been *BUSY* paired with *Follow-Thru*, and for a happy trio *Patience* has had to sneak in by necessity. So I’ve been super freaky busy working on my projects, but I can’t say that any single one has made it to completion. (YET. It will!)
This is actually one of my favorite states to be in. While nothing is yet done, so much is getting done! Everything is in a frenzy of movement, going somewhere with so much forceful purpose it has no idea where or when it might land. This is The Beautiful Unknown.
On my porch I have plywood patiently waiting for sanding, paint and assemblage. In the garage I have wood waiting to be turned into a table for my sewing machine which is waiting to finish up a stuffed cat I started over a month ago, and the front room awaits the crafting supplies (for making art dolls, art journals, cards…) I am moving there from their former residence in the family room. The basement walls quietly wait for the canvas that is waiting for paint….because I’m starting an anticipated painting class I haven’t even had the chance to say anything about!
Everything is so moving and still in my life now. The tension is killer. Thrilling!
I know I’m getting closer to the deepest place of creativity when life starts looking and feeling like this. Something is about to pop…My life is 10 months pregnant!
Wish me luck on the delivery!
Gotta fly…the baby (turned toddler) is awake! And she…does not wait! : )
I’ve been pretty busy, but not too busy to think about Life With Light. In fact, I guess I’ve partly been busy because so much of my attention has turned to this “life with light.” Sometimes the days just seem to slip away…and the day becomes more like an inhabited friendly oasis rather than the harsh desert island I’ve been accustomed to in the past.
My Friendly Oasis on Wednesday
This week me and one of my best friends began a woodworking/building project together! You can see there are 2 sanding blocks there. We “turned our doing dials up a notch” ala Home Depot, lol. My friend gave me that line 🙂 She always makes me laugh. She’s the kind of friend I can laugh with and cry with in the same day…or even within the same minute. I count myself pretty lucky, fortunate, blessed… (take your mix n’ match of the assortment,) to have her in my life. We’ve known each other since we were kids…have been in each other’s weddings…that kind of friends. We’ve been through a lot together, even during times we were apart, often living sort of seemingly parallel lives.
So I have this to share…a great big burst of light in my my life if you ask me!
This week we bonded over the cut-off saw in my garage…
We got as far as sanding and painting these boards which I was pretty proud of! I’m hoping to work on the completion sometime this weekend. The weather outside looks good, so as long as the weather indoors stays as calm then I will hopefully have a storage cart on wheels by the time Monday rolls around…complete with victory pics to share! (Crossing fingers, toes, and a few hairs.)
If you’ve been reading my blog you’ll probably remember me talking about my euphoric discovery of Instagram and my reformation of the repugnance I once had for digital photography. You won’t believe what I’ve uncovered now! I am forever humbled. My former repugnance is regrettable.
Another thing that has had me busy this week is this!
And I was even more humbled when I learned there are even people who consider themselves to be iPhoneography Purists!? iPhone purists! I never knew!
I am SO SLOW.
My husband laughed at me because he tried to get me into digital when we were dating, but I would have nothing of it. I’m too embarrassed to even admit to the things I said about “lowly digital.” LOL. And now I’m begging him to go to Photoshop World with me! I have had to swallow some pretty big words and eat a lot of humble pie.
I haven’t actually even had the chance to experiment with any new apps. I was thinking Instagram was the schizz, but I guess there’s more out there to explore. haha.
It’s a bit hard to not have all the time in the world to traverse all these extraordinary ventures. These discoveries have kept my mind going at a good speed, which is necessary because I apparently I have a lot of catching up to do. But when it comes to all this newfangled stuff I have to approach my discoveries more as a section-hike and not a thru-hike for now…(hiker lingo) Oh…and just to think of all the photos that could be unearthed on this hike!
I cannot wait to dig into digital and see how I can pal around with it in the area of art therapy!
Patience will be a personal challenge on this one.
And an update on the rest of life…well, what is the rest of life anyway?
What if the rest of life was just like all the above…happy to be alive?
I’ve been savoring my latest set of Instagrams. It seems like so much has happened in just a couple of days, even though when I look around not much has changed.
Except for my mantle. Yes, my mantle is looking different these days!
My mantle now holds a vase with Roses of Different Color!
And, I think you can be assured it’s not because I am wearing rose-colored glasses, either.
Just take a look at these beauts!
Yesterday my husband ran an errand to the store and came back with these!!!
No arguing, no disharmony, not even a “discussion” precluded these babies! No ladies (and gents) my husband bought me flowers because….because HE DID. And he gets full credit.
Now, I didn’t used to think I was the type of girl to get all giddy over flowers, but turns out…I kinda am. Especially when they’re tie dye, and especially when I know it means my husband is listening and paying attention. And something grabbed his attention at the store when I wasn’t with him and he thought of me!
So I’m a little sweet on these flowers, and sweet on him.
Self-Portrait with Roses : )
So not too much commentary today, although it feels like there’s a ton to share. It will have to wait because I am stopping to smell my tie-die roses! And I invite you to sit-a-spell and smell them with me!
Mary and Max. I might be the last person on the face of this planet to watch this film, seeing as how there are 1,250,000 views on YouTube of its original trailer (and at least two handfuls of awards!). But for the chance that I’m not the last one, I’m compelled to share about it here. [And if you haven’t seen it, then I am sure you are not the last one either. But you might want to look this one up to be sure you don’t become that person!]
Ok, so I really liked it. I’m not a great reviewer, but I am fantastic at exclaiming, “You must see this!” I have to admit that I didn’t see a few parts because I had to run out of the room for other things a few times, but the film was so good that I plan on watching the whole thing again just to catch the small bits I missed. There is also the chance that I’m adoring Mary and Max so much because they got me/my life so well in certain ways. So if you watch it and don’t like it, don’t blame me. You’ve been informed. And me/my life is not always completely normal. ; ) Make of it what you will!
As a disclaimer I would say this is an animation I would definitely reserve for adult, or at least mature teen viewers. It’s not exactly one to pop in for the kids on Saturday morning cartoon fest. ; )
FYI: I watched Mary and Max on Netflix, so if you have access to their instant streaming movies you’re in luck!
I’d love to hear if you’ve already seen this, or if you haven’t… what you thought about it after you’ve had the chance!