Even though the good times come, I wish they would stay longer.
I’m greedy with them.
I didn’t even share. I was scared they would disappear.
Now they are gone and nothing to show.
Nothing to bring me back.
Just silent desperation.
Today during Shavasana at the end of my yoga class we (the class) were guided into a place we dream of, any place we’d like.
I have my place. I know right where it is. It’s actually somewhere I’ve had the grace to really sit, even though I had seen it inside me before I was ever there in person.
When I found my place…that special place in the world that is just mine…I knew it. It was the place I had escaped to for years. It was like a working of faith.
But my place in the world is a really small space in the grand scheme of things. And when I place myself back in that special place in the world that’s mine, the scope is usually just enough for me to cram myself into it, barely. I can rarely see anything around me or even see myself. The surrounding areas are dark and I don’t have access to the full picture. I get a very limited view, but I’m always excited this place is open to me at all (in my mind.)
Today something was different. My place, the workings of my faith changed and opened up. The story grew.
I was on my rock in the meadow, woods all around. And then I got up and started to move. And bears (my most feared animal and creature of nightmares) started coming to the edge of the woods where my place in the meadow begins. They came and they would not cross over into my meadow. They stood and watched me. The bears couldn’t get me…Why? Because I was dancing. I danced in the fear and the joy was enough to stun them into awe. They could only watch me…and never eat me. I was stronger than the fear. I knew they were there and I still danced. I danced and leapt and swung myself around and I ran and jumped like a giddy little girl. My body knew no pain.
At the end of this sort of meditation, one more piece of the picture appeared in the frame: People who have hurt me.
Those people, like the bears at the edge of the woods, could not get me. They could only watch in utter amazement at the life of me.
And I….I could only be free.